Category: Articles

This question is posed to me from many people when they find out how big my family is. Are any of them adopted, foster children, or blended family. The answer is that my husband, Jerome and I have had 13 children together – 11 through natural childbirth, 2 through C-section and 2 are my husband’s boys from other relationships. No twins – all single births, We still have 12 at home. The names and ages are Jerome(Brenndon) 28, Taylor 26, Christian 25, Jonathan 23, Alexandria 22, Mackenzie 20, Victoria 19, Elisabeth 17, Olivia 15, Danielle 13, Jeremiah 11, Joshua 10, Jordan 8, Faith 6, and Hope 4. Whew!!! I am tired just writing all that down.

Here is a little peek at our history. How big is your house, what kind of car do you drive? How do you stay sane?… I could not do it. You look like you don’t have that many children. Do you know what causes that? Do you and your husband own a tv? All these are FAQ’s by many people that we encounter; however, I believe in using my voice to help inspire others through my experience so that they may have a more successful life.

So I choose to share one lesson among many that I have learned as a parent to a large family. There is a difference between your purpose and your role as a parent. I was raised as an only child and had no idea what life was like to share attention, time and resources with siblings and/or parents. My parents divorced when I was young and I lost my biological dad at the age of 8 and he was buried 2 days before my 9th birthday. My mom remarried 2 years later and I was fortunate to have a 2 parent household. I was lonely as an only child and the one wish I had was to have a brother or sister. I was fortunate to have all the material things that a child could desire but I learned very early that those possessions meant nothing if you had no one to play with.

My desire growing up was to have children, attend class field trips and participate in class events and parties. As a child, I dreaded field trips because my parents could not attend because of their work schedule and I longed for their presence. That was a note to self, ” attend field trips, participate as the class mom, get to know classmates of my children, etc.”

The problem was that I lost my own identity in the process. I became immersed into the lives of my children and forgot who I was. My life was constantly in survival mode- always seeking the approval of my children, children’s friends, husband, church members, family and even strangers. I was constantly seeking the validation of others and equated my worth to what value I believed that I served to others. This was a downward spiral that led to me being hospitalized 3 times for stress – one of which was post partum depression. This was quite an adjustment for me and my family who was accustomed to me being at home with the exception of my annual trips to the hospital for a birth of a new addition.

This experience taught me that I was a little insane because I failed to do anything differently in my routine after 2 hospitalizations. It was only after my 3 hospitalization that I did things differently and acknowledged what got me on that spiral in the first place. My passion now is not to repeat that cycle in my life and to help those who are prone to the same situation in their own lives. I am thankful that I have found my voice. It has affected my marriage and my relationship with my children because they are trying to adjust to this new version of me.

I am patient because I realize that change does not come easy and it comes with a cost. In my case, I had to lose a part of me and replace it with someone new. It is a transition that continues as long as I grow and continue to learn to be the best version of me. Looking back I would not trade a thing… I am very motivated to implement strategies to see that I do not encounter that level of stress or depression again. My advice to everyone is to listen to your voice because suppressing it can cause more harm in the long run.